My Vote isn’t Mine

John Edwards dropped out of the Democratic primary today. And I am angry.

I’m not so angry because I wanted to vote for him, because I am most likely voting for Obama. What I am more angry about is the fact that other Americans are determining who I get to vote for before I get to vote.

Democrats in Iowa had many choices. They could have voted for Clinton, Obama, Edwards, Richardson, Kucinich, Gravel, Biden, or Dodd. Now when I get to vote, I can only choose between Clinton, Obama and Gravel. How is this a democracy? It is outrageously unfair that I get fewer choices of who to pick for President just because I live in a different state.

It makes me livid to think that my choices for President are being whittled away because the candidates have performed badly in Iowa, New Hampshire or South Carolina. What else gets to me is the fact that candidates are running out of money and can’t continue their bids because of the length of the campaigning season. Now I can only choose between two people that others have decided are the front runners and one other dude who will probably drop out soon too.

This is definitely not “one man, one vote.” Who wants to write letters to Congress with me?

Today I Felt what Empowerment Feels Like

Today it sunk in that I’ve graduated from college and I’ve never felt so liberated before in my life. I was reading people’s away messages on AIM and saw that nearly all of them said something along the lines of “class” or “homework already.” I don’t have class. I don’t have homework. I can sit and watch movies all night, start writing a book or get on a plane to Paris. This is wonderful.

Being me, I miss school. I’ve always enjoyed learning, studying, researching but it is so wonderful to learn, study and research whatever my heart desires, not what my professors tell me to. Like when I read that book about outer space or all the books I hope to read in the future.

And how empowering is it to know that my future is completely open. Tomorrow I could quit my job and fly to Australia and go snorkeling. I could send in my application for Peace Corps and be out of the country within months. I can pursue the career I have long considered unrealistic for me – photojournalism. I could sell my soul and bring in six figures for some big corporation. Anything is a possibility and nothing is holding me back.

Ever since I was a little girl, my mom told me I could be whatever I wanted. For some reason I have always viewed this in terms of the normal progression of life – college, graduate school, job, marriage, kids, retirement with me being able to choose the specifics of each and become whatever I wanted within those terms. I would be happy if that is how my life turns out and I can pick exactly what I study, exactly what I do, exactly who I marry and how I spend my retirement. But it doesn’t have to be like that.  Only today, at age 21, I fully understand what my mother meant years ago.

Colbert at the National Portrait Gallery

Today, a friend of mine and I went to the National Portrait Gallery to see Stephen Colbert’s portrait. He did some shows where he went around asking museums to display his picture and the National Portrait Gallery accepted and agreed to hang the picture on the second floor in between the bathrooms and above the water fountains – and right next to the portraits of American presidents.

While hilarious in itself, what was even funnier was the fact that there were security guards standing next to the portrait regulating the line that formed and telling people that the line was only for Stephen Col-bert (with an emphasis on the T). Oh–forgot that part…there was a line to see Colbert…

I totally stood in this line so that my friend and I could get pictures with the portrait (see my Flickr page if you want to see those pics). There was no line for any other portrait in the rest of the museum– and this is a museum dedicated to portraits of influential Americans. So I guess people care more about seeing Colbert than George Washington or Abraham Lincoln. Unfortunately, I am included in “people.”

Fundraising Woes

This summer I am going to Kenya as an AP Peace Fellow with the Undugu Society. I’ve known this for a while now but it didn’t sink in until last week. What else sunk in last week was that I need to get my butt moving on raising money to finance my time there or else find some credit cards to apply to.

So I have written a begging letter meant for airlines to give me a free or discounted flight, but the letter can be tailored to basically any company. I’ve never had to beg for money from people outside my immediate family (alright…my Mom), so I’m not feeling so hot about my fundraising abilities. But that’s not what’s getting to me though.

I wonder how many begging letters companies get from people around the world. Who are these people? How do the companies choose who to give money to? Is it to the people who need it most? Is it the “sexiest” cause? Is it the people who are strategically placed to advertise the contribution they received?

I think I am relatively well placed to advertise whatever a donor decides to give me. So let’s say that I get some contributions. Am I getting the money because of that? As a result, is someone else not getting the money because they can’t advertise?

It would be incredibly naïve of me to say that the best cause will be chosen. I mean it is corporations we are talking about. So should I feel bad about possibly getting money that someone else might need more?

I need the money so I don’t think I can just not ask even though I feel a little weird about it. Let me tell you though that if I do get contributions, I will work that much harder in Kenya since the thought of other worthy people not getting the money will torment me.

Now watch me not fundraise one penny…

Your breath stinks. Wanna piece of gum?

So the other day on the metro I got irritated. Which is pretty easy when you are listening to other people’s conversations. Or when people think they are the only two people on the train and talk so loud you can’t concentrate on the Harry Potter book you are reading.

So there was this woman…professional…about 28ish with a man…about the same age, also professional…and possibly gay. They seem to be acting like they are close friends. They get on at Farragut North. They sit down directly behind me and they start talking. The women then tells her friend, in the rudest, most obnoxious way possible “Your breath stinks. Let me give you a piece of gum.”

I can tell that the guy is obviously insulted, embarrassed, angry, etc. and I’m not even facing him. He refuses the gum, stops talking to his friend and an awkward silence falls over them. Then the woman keeps asking what’s wrong, why he isn’t talking, how he has been awkward all evening, that he doesn’t care about how her day was, blah, blah, BLAH.

Then she asks him what he had for lunch that made his breath smell so bad. Insists on another piece of gum. He refuses again. Then back to her whining about him not talking to her. Then she asks if he had garlic for lunch!!

How can people be so unaware of their effect on other people…no…wait…their effect on their friends? Sometimes people can truly not anticipate other’s reactions to certain situations but I would not expect an upbeat response from anyone, not even my closest friend, to me telling them that I find their breath revolting and then dwell upon the subject and act as if what I said was nothing less than a common compliment. Did this woman really think her friend would not take offense to her comment? What did she expect? “Oh, my breath stinks? I didn’t know, thank you so much for offering me that stick of gum so that I can cover up the putrid smell my mouth is emitting.”

They got off at Union Station. I wish I knew if he ever took the piece of gum…or if she ever shut up. And I wonder if her insensitivity cast an air of awkwardness over their relationship that he no longer calls and she is left confused thinking “I wonder what’s the matter with him?”

Is Voting Choosing or Hoping?

Just minutes before the Iowa caucuses and I still have no idea who I’m voting for. My goal was to decide before the Iowa results come in so I’m not swayed and that I wholeheartedly support my man…or woman.

I’ve narrowed it down to three…Obama, Edwards and Clinton. Beyond that I’m absolutely lost. Yes, there is a logical person for me to vote for who on paper has the most in common with me in terms of ideology. Then there is the person with the experience who knows the ropes and will have no problem hitting the ground running. And then there is the person who speaks from their heart and who I truly trust. (I tried to keep my views about each particular candidate somewhat hidden but I fear I have miserably failed…)

Some people say vote your heart. Others say vote for who will beat the Republican nominee in November. Or vote for who you trust. Or who you agree the most with. Or who you’d most likely want to have a drink with. Ok ok…all good points.

I can say I know how Hillary voted on something, or what Obama did before winning the Senate seat, or Edwards’ obsession with poverty reduction, but I can’t “know” the candidates. I do trust some candidates more than others, but why? I’ve never met them, and even if I got the chance to ask them a question and shake their hand what would that show? Trust is something built over time and its ridiculous that the electorate (including myself) can claim to trust some politicians over others. I bet the politicians perceived as trustworthy and likely to beat a Republican have speech writers and PR people who are sleeping contently at night.

So what’s my decision based off? I’d like to think that the research I do to check candidate’s voting records and public statements is what shapes my perception of the person, but how much does press coverage and biased reports have to do with it? How easily misled are we? How can I vote for someone to lead my country if my ultimate decision is based off the success of his or her campaign?

I guess this whole question stems from the fact that I have worked on a campaign before and got to know my candidate pretty well. I learned that candidates, at least the honest ones like the one I worked for, will try as hard as possible to portray themselves publicly as they are in real life. But without knowing the person personally you will never know who they really are. And since my candidate failed to win, the electorate obviously wasn’t able to see the honest, passionate person with a great record that my candidate was and had. Am I missing something now, in this election?

So does it even matter who I pick? Each of the candidates carries with them a possibility of surprise once they get in office since I truly don’t know who they are as people. So I guess I’ll just go with my heart…and cross my fingers.

Our Inevitable Demise…or not?

So I am finishing up reading “Death by Black Hole and Other Cosmic Quandaries” by Neil DeGrasse Tyson. It is a book about the universe…how it works, what we know, what we don’t know, pretty much how mind boggling and awesome it is. If you want to feel insignificant in the most ultimate way, definitely read this book.

We are just one planet, in one solar system in one galaxy. I know you know this, but really think about it. There are billions of galaxies in the universe, trillions (or more—what’s after trillion?) of stars, and who knows how many planets. There could even be other universes out there. What’s more is that in the book, Tyson makes it clear that it is extremely egocentric of us to truly believe that we are the only planet with life in the entire universe. There are even reasonable chances for life in our own solar system on a moon of Jupiter or in the depths of Mars. Ultimately, there is no reason for us to feel special.

Not only does a feeling of insignificance overwhelm me when reading this book, but it also makes me realize how volatile our futures are. In a month, a year, a decade, a century, a millennium or in millions or billions of years the human race could be completely wiped off the planet with microorganisms at the bottom of the ocean having to start the evolutionary track all over again…that is, if there is even a planet left.

What I want to do with my life is end poverty and its associated suffering that far too many humans are still faced with. No matter how noble this may sound in an average conversation about my life goals, it is ultimately a waste of my time if you look at the big picture. What good is drinking water for all or universal education when an asteroid could easily crash into Earth killing all intelligent life? Or in five billion years when the sun dies and engulfs the Earth? Or the impending collision of the Milky Way with the nearest galaxy due in seven billion years? Or the inevitable end of the universe? I guess in order to have meaning in my life’s work, I need to shift my whole purpose in life. I don’t think I can sleep contently at night with my end goal being ending poverty on our planet. Rather, the end of poverty has to be a means for a different end—the development of the human race in order for us to resist the fate of the dinosaurs.