Happiness

Last week I was waiting for my evening train thinking “I hope I get a seat” and expecting that I get a seat. When the train pulled up and I saw there were a lot of seats open, I was happy. Now I bet you don’t think that I could pull some philosophic meaning from that, but you’d be wrong.

What defines what makes us happy? When I was hoping for a seat on my evening train, I knew that on most days I get a seat in the evening. I was expecting a seat. When the trained appeared in the station and I saw there were seats, I was happy. But I am also happy on days when I go to the other metro station and there is simply room in the train for me to physically fit my body on the car without getting squished by the doors. I’m not as happy as I would be if I got a seat, but I’m also not as pissed as I would be if the same thing happened to me at my normal metro station.

I’ve thought about this and have concluded that when our expectations are met or exceeded, we are happy. It is not the actual event that makes us happy but rather how closely the event correlates to or surpasses our perception of what it will be like.

Let’s say I am going to see a movie tonight. I expect it to be a groundbreaking movie that will shake me to my core. It ends up being lame so when I walk out of the movie theater I am not happy. On the other hand, let’s say that I go in to the movie thinking that it will be the worst film I will ever see and am just going because I am forced to go by some friend. When I leave, I might not be floating on cloud nine but I would not be disappointed and might even be happier leaving the movie than I was going in. The actual movie did not change in these two scenarios, only my expectations going in.

So I wonder whether we should always expect the worst and then always have our expectations met or exceeded, or if we should have high expectations and sometimes be let down and other times be happy. Would those times we aren’t let down be worth more and thus contain more happiness? If we keep expecting the worst, would we eventually become immune to the little rush we get when our expectations are met or exceeded?

I know I have high expectations sometimes. And obviously I get happy from little things in life. So maybe you have to be let down every once in a while to really appreciate the jolts of happiness you get other times. Maybe I am happier expecting to have a seat everyday and being let down some days than if I thought I would never have a seat and always had my expectation met or exceeded. I guess being let down lets you really appreciate when you are not.

I’m glad I came to this conclusion because I doubt the human mind would let us truly lower our expectations on command. I could pretend to think I won’t get a seat, but experience would tell me that that is illogical. I am programmed to expect what most often happens, not what I want to expect. It’s nice to know the function of my brain is cooperating in helping me get the most out of happy moments, not allowing me to become immune to them. I could always turn this around and say that my brain is evil for setting me up for disappointment every once in a while, but today I feel optimistic.